I started a new job about eight months ago. It was an unexpected opportunity but my husband and I felt that it was the right choice for me. So we moved from Los Angeles to Orange County. If you’re not from Southern California you don’t understand what a difference that county line means to us Southern Californians.
A new job meant I had to learn new things, understand a new work culture, and build new relationships. I’m still learning but when I stepped into the office for the first time several months ago, I felt overwhelmed and fearful. I was scared that I was going to fail or more than that, disappoint my husband and others around me. It wasn’t just about the job, but it was about other things as well. I had gone through a lot of changes in the months prior to the new job. I had started attending a new church where I was learning to love and understand a new community, I had gotten married, moved jobs, and moved to a new city away from those closest to me. With every change came a lot of emotions and processing. It takes me awhile to process even a small decision during the day so it was pretty stretching for me to have all these life-altering events happen all at once.
I remember feeling drained, not because these things were bad, but because I was out of my comfort zone. And that’s when I prayed. I prayed that the Lord would help me to get through the day or to get through a new task or event. I prayed that God would give me courage to open up to new friends and to love my husband more each day. Now that eight months have gone by, I realize that I had made a bigger deal out of all the things I was afraid of. On the other hand, I also find myself being less reliant on Him and more reliant on myself. It’s in the moments when I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing that I turn my focus on Him because I know I don’t have the strength to do it on my own.
My hope is that I would continue to be desperate and earnestly seek Him even in the routines of life because I never know when God will take me out of that routine.